April 3, 2005: “I was so nervous mostly about Gary Richman, because I had seen him personally take students out into the hallway and tell them that they had no talent, and should consider switching majors. But that morning Brandon had told me to fight if they question something lol, so I had a teenie bit of courage in me :p But they didn’t ask me too many questions, only a few things like “Which piece do you think was your biggest chance?” Sort of packs a punch, but apparently I held myself pretty well. Gary’s an eye-contact type of person and I have very good eye-contact, so I think that counts for something. They seemed pretty impressed with my presentation, which surprised me a lot. Then again, Brandon reminded me “you’re your own worst critic.” That’s very true. Overall they said I have a lot of wonderful art courses ahead of me, and that I should become more “sensuous” with the materials I use. :p I’m supposed to receive a letter in a few weeks with all of their comments. I’ll post it when I get it. Though they did tell me that I should do portraits of people I know, to keep as a type of diary, and to help sharpen my talents. I’m gonna draw you!!!!”
I have decided that I want to publsih posts from my LiveJournal as a zine. It’s been interesting and embarrassing going through my old posts. I’ve decided to maybe share some of the funnier tidbits that I come across. Here is one from a post written on November 15, 2005:
Then on the busride home it was crowded, but I found a seat next to one of the regulars and Matt sat on my left. Jay sat adjacent to us. But then the woman next to me felt bad about having her big bag near me with my injured hand (I dropped a lithography stone on my hand yesterday–yeah, the stones you need a lift to move from point A to B. I’m fine, nothing’s broken) She said she was gonna move to the back of the bus and Jay said no, and suggested that she switch seats with him instead, and he sat next to me, so I was squished between Jay and Matt. Morgan was sitting nearby, and I know he’s going to tease me about it later. I told my mom I was probably going to get crap from him next time I see him and she says, well if he does just say “Yeah, you wish you were in the middle of a man sandwich.” lol So yeah…I was in the middle of a man sandwich today, and it was quite lovely *giggles* lol
I went back home for Christmas again this year, and the trip seemed to recharge me and change me in ways that were very much needed. The end of 2014 was rife with health problems, money problems, and unhappiness. I was stewing in a sea of uncertainty, self pity, and agnst. The trip back home did me a lot of good, travel always allows me to see how insignificant many of my problems are and gives me both literal and figurative distance enough to sort through my life. Also, being surrounded by friends and family is always a good thing.
One of my days alone in my old room I dug in the closet and pulled out a few of my old journals. Hefty 5 Subject notebooks with collaged covers and pages upon pages of very detailed daily life, high school dramas, crushes and confessions. I realized around the time of LiveJournal.com coming into existance my paper journaling ceased. Which is somewhat of a disappointment, because now I feel like I need to print out every post from LiveJournal (minus all the surveys and memes!) just to have a complete documentation of my young life. Also, it’s really interesting to see in hindsight what I couldn’t see then.
Delving into these old journals–both paper and digital–led me to want to get back into journaling again. My friend Kip sent me an amazing journal for Christmas and I have already taken to writing in it a bit. Not quite to the degree and detail that I used to, but I’m starting out small and then building from there. I’m also considering typing entries out here if I feel so moved.
I really want to publish a lot of the things that I’ve come across. I think 2015 will be The Year Of The Zine for me, if not self publishing actual books too. It is a goal someday to publish a book through a big time publisher.
I feel like much of 2014 was spent sitting on my ass and not being very productive, I spent my time longing for something, searching for something, freeing myself from the shackles of corporate america but not having anything (aside from health problems) to show for it at the end of the year. Perhaps making that realization is important enough.
Going back home solidified some friendships for me that I had felt were rocky. It reminded me that the friends I have known for 10 years, have also known me for 10 years. It is not at all one sided, and despite relationships and 2600 miles between us, things can pick up right where they left off. We still know one another very well even if it is not always expressed or exhausted. I feel myself being a little naive in saying that, and it might seem very obvious that to know someone means they know you just as well, but it was something I really needed to be reminded of–to experience.
One of my zine projects for the new year is to make more copies of my 2014 zines, but also to make new volumes of those that already exist, *AND* to finally put together my LiveJournal zine, which might end up being a series of zines about being boy crazy–each zine dedicated to a different crush/friend/boyfriend of my youth. Which, I think would be interesting, cathartic and might get me into trouble. What is life without a little trouble?
All in all, big things going on in my head that I want to bring to fruition this year.
Happy New Year, get off your ass and make shit happen!
When high fashion and horror combine, it’s definitely a win! I’m totally digging The Shining sweater I’m seeing in Coach’s fall adverts!
Here is the sweater from The Shining:
Side by side comparison with the one in Coach’s Fall advertisement:
Definitely a must have for Fall, even if I do live in the desert.
To grab one of your own you can pick one up from Coach’s website for just under $700.
Or purchase one from a handmade seller on Etsy.
Today only until midnight PST I am offering free shipping on all US orders from my Gothcupcake Etsy store with coupon code: FREESHIP!
I just listed a whole bunch of awesome Scare Bows and accessories just in time for the witching season with more new items coming soon!
I just watched the Time Zero documentary about the final year of Polaroid film production on Netflix. I highly recommend anyone who has a love or interest in film to watch this documentary. I also would love all of the Impossible Project haters to watch this film, to understand what a feat it is they have accomplished.
The photos above are photographs shot on Impossible Project SX-70 B&W black frame film. It is by far one of the best films I have ever shot from them, the image developed almost immediately (highly improved on the very early 30-45 minute development times when they were first starting out!).
Time Zero was sad, but also inspiring, liberating, and uplifting. It also made me want to do whatever I can to go buy a case of Impossible Project film! They are amazing people. I supported them in the beginning and I still stand by them today. Talk of their downsizing makes me a little nervous, but the hope is that the focus will be back on the film itself and making an even better instant film for people to enjoy.
In addition to the Impossible Project there are other instant films out there…
In 2013 I used Fuji Instax mini film for a 365 project, taking one shot on instant film a day for most of the year (until I ran out of money and film in November). The entire project made me fall in love even more with instant film. That same year, however, Fuji announced that it would stop producing one of it’s most beloved films from their line: Fuji FP-3000b. No one else has picked up the packfilm, or tried to save it. Which just goes to show what a big deal it was for Florian “Doc” Kaps PhD and those behind Impossible Project’s to take on the risk and attempt to reproduce Polaroid’s integral films. Impossible Project is still working on improving their current line of films, and said it did not plan on producing FP3000b anytime soon. Understandable, since they are still perfecting on their own formula. However, not all is lost, there is someone else making waves in packfilm production.
New55 is a project I had been following for years on Blogspot, where Bob Crowley and Sam Hiser were trying to work out how to produce a product similar to Polaroid’s packfilms. They finally decided to get funding to produce on a larger scale with a Kickstarter campaign. As of right now, after the successful funding of their Kickstarter, the New55 project is working on getting the chemicals and supplies needed to produce it’s film in a limited run and shop it around to potential manufacturers.
In the face of adversity, it is refreshing to see companies standing up for film, for the history of film, and not only keeping film alive, but creating new versions of these film products, especially in a digital era. It will be interesting to see what else happens in the world of film, what new frontiers are created and what new artists emerge. I hope to hold a place somewhere at the forefront with these visionaries.
Long live film!