I went back home for Christmas again this year, and the trip seemed to recharge me and change me in ways that were very much needed. The end of 2014 was rife with health problems, money problems, and unhappiness. I was stewing in a sea of uncertainty, self pity, and agnst. The trip back home did me a lot of good, travel always allows me to see how insignificant many of my problems are and gives me both literal and figurative distance enough to sort through my life. Also, being surrounded by friends and family is always a good thing.
One of my days alone in my old room I dug in the closet and pulled out a few of my old journals. Hefty 5 Subject notebooks with collaged covers and pages upon pages of very detailed daily life, high school dramas, crushes and confessions. I realized around the time of LiveJournal.com coming into existance my paper journaling ceased. Which is somewhat of a disappointment, because now I feel like I need to print out every post from LiveJournal (minus all the surveys and memes!) just to have a complete documentation of my young life. Also, it’s really interesting to see in hindsight what I couldn’t see then.
Delving into these old journals–both paper and digital–led me to want to get back into journaling again. My friend Kip sent me an amazing journal for Christmas and I have already taken to writing in it a bit. Not quite to the degree and detail that I used to, but I’m starting out small and then building from there. I’m also considering typing entries out here if I feel so moved.
I really want to publish a lot of the things that I’ve come across. I think 2015 will be The Year Of The Zine for me, if not self publishing actual books too. It is a goal someday to publish a book through a big time publisher.
I feel like much of 2014 was spent sitting on my ass and not being very productive, I spent my time longing for something, searching for something, freeing myself from the shackles of corporate america but not having anything (aside from health problems) to show for it at the end of the year. Perhaps making that realization is important enough.
Going back home solidified some friendships for me that I had felt were rocky. It reminded me that the friends I have known for 10 years, have also known me for 10 years. It is not at all one sided, and despite relationships and 2600 miles between us, things can pick up right where they left off. We still know one another very well even if it is not always expressed or exhausted. I feel myself being a little naive in saying that, and it might seem very obvious that to know someone means they know you just as well, but it was something I really needed to be reminded of–to experience.
One of my zine projects for the new year is to make more copies of my 2014 zines, but also to make new volumes of those that already exist, *AND* to finally put together my LiveJournal zine, which might end up being a series of zines about being boy crazy–each zine dedicated to a different crush/friend/boyfriend of my youth. Which, I think would be interesting, cathartic and might get me into trouble. What is life without a little trouble?
All in all, big things going on in my head that I want to bring to fruition this year.
Happy New Year, get off your ass and make shit happen!