Probably not the smartest thing to post on the internet where a coworker could possibly see it and bring it to work, but I’m feeling bold. I want to quit my day job. Every Sunday (or in this case of the holiday, Monday) before the start of the work week I devise a plan to find a way to make money, better my business, or find a better job so that I can quit my day job. Every. Week. I don’t like the stressed out cranky bitch I become as the weekend dwindles away and I’m faced with the bare facts that I will be waking up at 4 a.m. for the rest of the week to sit in a cubicle for 8 hours and do it all again until the next weekend. ENOUGH. I’m done, I quit…
What is holding me back? Why, as so eloquently put by the author of the Life Without Pants blog, fear is holding me back. Fear that I will not be able to pay my bills whilst pursuing my dream of being my own boss and making a living off of my art, my creativity, my skills and my own two hands. Fear. Money. My two biggest hurdles at the moment.
I’m a little embarrassed to say it but I’ve been doing a lot of research, reading a lot of self-help sites and blogs and doing a lot of things in order to build up my confidence and get my goals and dreams and plans in order, my business in order for that big ballsy day when I put in my 2 weeks. I honestly don’t even think it’s the job itself–I don’t desire to go work anywhere else–I don’t like being on someone else’s time and terms. I don’t like putting all of my time and energy into someone else’s business. It was why I wanted to leave my last job (amongst other things), but namely because I didn’t want to excel at something my heart wasn’t in. I also really can’t stand living for the weekend. You miss out on SO MUCH life living for the weekend, wishing the days to go by. That is not a way to live, I don’t want to wish my life away for 8 days out of the month.
I also want to spend Christmas with my family this year. This year would mark the fifth Christmas without my family. I get more depressed about it every year. Sobbing and inconsolably depressed. Money is a big part of that, it costs a nice round chunk of change to fly across the country round trip during the most traveled time of year to visit my family, but the other big part of that is asking permission. I have to ask permission from my employment whether or not I am allowed to see my family. They always say no. Fuck that. If I want to go home and visit my family, I will. My parents are getting older and I am getting older and every year I fear that something will happen and I’ll have missed spending time with my family for a job I couldn’t care about at all if not for the paycheck it provides.
I take what I can from my job, I am grateful to have a job, however I am not being enriched, or fulfilled. I am not helping others, I am not growing as a person by being at my job.
I want to be able to visit my family for holidays, birthdays. I know it’s not possible to fly round trip across country on a whim all the time, but to be able to go see my family when *I* want to, not when someone else allows me to, would be fantastic.
I want to work with my heroes. I want to work with those that inspire me, to learn from them, to explore, create and imagine and reach the heights of my abilities while creating with those who inspire me. Phoenix Comic Con was incredibly inspiring this weekend because I spent it in a room FULL of creative artists, writers, crafters–who all are following their dreams, their passions or who have built them into the amazing empires we see today. People who started from the ground up or who are working hard right now building those dreams. I want that to be me. I want my empire, I want my name in the stars, I want to achieve and bring others on the journey with me.
Now just to get the balls to do it.
Wish Me Luck!